Happy Fricken Mother's Day!

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I'm pretty disturbed by the photo of  Jamie Lynne Grumet on the cover of Time Magazine. Can you blame me? I mean...What the Fergie? Here we go again with another baby with teeth attached to a woman's breast. He's on a stool as if he actually needs to be; as it's clear he could reach her breasts by simply standing on his toes. And she, this Jamie woman, she's actually attractive. No mother with a child that age looks that put together, unless... you're pretty much every amazing fricken' mother I know.

Yes America, here it is. The not so new face of motherhood. Fly, refreshed, perky breasts, clothes without spit up and a child with teeth attached to our breasts. Run for your lives... because we are here to ruin it. Yes I said it. A mother nursing her child is coming to a city near you to freak you out, give you the willies, over-sexualize her breasts all in an effort to make your life hell. Simply because all of the responsibilities she faces in one day i.e. her own personal challenges, work, providing, ovulating (we should get a life time supply of Haagen Dazs for that alone) spraying stain removers in places there should NEVER be stains... isn't enough. Uh huh. Nope, we make it our business to dine out and strategically nurse because we want to make you feel disgusted while lunching at Houston's. 

OK so I went over the river and through the woods to make a point. But damn people in my James Evans voice, Damn Damn Damn. ENOUGH! Let me state for the record... I really understand being around a stranger who is nursing can be awkward. I've been on the other side of this issue before I had my own son. There's that moment where you wonder if you're supposed to look in the other direction as the breast approaches the mouth of this baby/infant/toddler that just sung you their ABC's. There's the brow raising age old debate of how long is too long. The next time someone says, "Once a child has teeth..." I promise you a Jedi mind trick will be in full effect. There's the women who pull out their entire breast with no warning, let it chill for a minute while they apply chap stick, order a latte, ask you if you have hand cream, wait for you to find it and then attempt to feed a baby who is now sleeping while their breast is still straight chillin' in your face. I GET IT! But the feeling I got from the image was one I could relate to. You see no matter how well you cover, how discreet you try to be while nursing in public, someone has something to say about it. It gets to a point where your efforts to be mindful supersede comforting an anxious hungry baby. And those same strangers that are staring at you while you're fumbling and dropping your diaper bag trying to find a damn burp cloth to appease them; are the same idiots you see spitting in front of the restaurant. And you look at your baby and think, I felt awkward feeding you in front of the guy who just put out his cigarette in the bread dish. So when I saw the cover of Time, my emotional response was this.

What I feel the picture was aiming to convey was, "Here I am. I'm breaking every stereotype of what a mother who nurses should look like. I'm not hiding behind a clothes rack at Target or cramped in my hot ass car hiding while I nurse. I'm here. Looking right at you and if you find this offensive, then go tell that dude over there who's peeing on the sidewalk at 2:00pm to stop. Go tell that cat over there, who just vomited out of his car window because he was at a keg party last night... to stop. Over there, that man who just whistled at the two women minding their business as they walked down the street... go stare him down. Oh and that woman who just snapped her fingers at the valet and called him Jose, tell her to stop that foolishness too. His name is John. Because all I'm doing is feeding my kid." 

Here's the thing... most mothers I know who nurse, have never done so with their child giving the side eye on a bar stool. Time Magazine didn't get the memo from Maxim subscribers that breasts on magazine cover's were offensive. And at a time when single mothers are being called child abusers by senators and as(s)piring presidents, a woman's right to an abortion is turning into a circus act and now just in time for Mother's Day, more attacks on nursing mothers is in full swing, I'm spent. I understand and respect it's not for everyone. But there is already so much competition in motherhood. The disposable diaper moms have beef with the cloth diaper mothers, formula vs breast milk, glass bottle moms blog about the plastic users and the beat goes on like The Whispers. I don't know the solution, but I ask this of the naysayers. When you see a mother with her child or children, grasp this. You don't know what she had on her plate 10 minutes before you saw her or what she is facing when she goes home. We are all just trying to get it right as mothers. And most of the time, we don't. You're someones son or daughter and your behaviors had to be tolerated too. The next time you see a mom nursing or any mother for that matter, just send her a little light and understand she's doing the best she can. Or let's all pray she is.